Posts filed under ‘Humor’

ODE TO ALLERGIES

NOSE-pollen.jpg

It started as a little thing, a slight lump in my throat

An achy feeling in my bones that barely rocked my boat

I felt certain if I rested for a night or so

I’d wake up in the morning feeling fine and good-to-go

But the next day to my dismay a cold had taken hold

Tho thankfully the short-lived kind that dies before it’s old

Yet in its place a stronger foe much harder to appease

Rose up with a vengeance…I was seized with allergies!

Not the mild “achoo’s” one gets from smelling flowers

But the Richter-scale repeaters that rock your world for hours

Sneezing, wheezing, barely breathing, watering eyes and snotty nose

Eyeballs popping, never stopping – on and on and on it goes

Progress freezing, sanity teasing, nothing easing, nothing helps

Sputtering, coughing, in the offing now your sneezes sound like yelps

Snuffling, snorting, gasping, rasping, fighting hard for every breath

Frenzied fits of screaming sneezes after which there’s nothing left

But to simply wait it out beneath a dampened rag

And hope and pray for better days you don’t look like a hag

Or pause mid-sentence to await with crinkled nose and grimace

The random Twilight Zone attack of your allergic menace

 

 

 

 

 

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April 14, 2016 at 9:08 AM Leave a comment

DAY 29: THE FIRST ORNAMENT

RED CHRISTMAS BALL with snowflake

Well, it’s happened.

We’ve opened up the Christmas decorations and taken the first one out of the box.

That’s it.

There’s no turning back.

Christmas season is officially upon us whether we like it or not.

And you know what?

I don’t mind it nearly as much as I expected.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Christmas decorations. Yet this year the prospect of dipping my toe into the runaway train that is Christmas, on the heels of a seemingly endless stream of houseguests, travel, speaking events, and most recently Thanksgiving cooking…didn’t exactly leave me chomping at the bit.

Yet to my surprise, once my hubby pulled the gadzillion “red and green” boxes from the garage, put up a few decorations, and turned on the Christmas music channel, complete with fun factoids about quaint Christmas customs in obscure Scandanavian countries, I gotta admit: I was hooked.

Suddenly I was 5-year-old-with-hot-chocolate-and-marshmallows happy, with shining eyes, a glowing heart, and my feet dangled from the couch for sheer delight. I know that sounds incredibly sappy. Who knows, maybe it is.

Yet even that grown-up smirk on your face isn’t gonna slow me down…

Cuz I’ve rediscovered a life-giving truth I’d almost forgotten: A little childlike joy now and then can sure CURE what ails you. If you don’t believe me, give it a try. It’s positively liberating.

All of which got me thinking…

I wonder how many other simple JOYS I’ve missed because I was…

too tired

too stressed

or too grown up

…to stop and enjoy a happy moment?

It’s worth pondering.

Right after I get a second cup…

…of that amazing hot chocolate!

November 29, 2014 at 2:02 PM Leave a comment

DAY 28: BLACK FRIDAY BLUES

SHOPPING CART - back off (boxing gloves-horn)
 
 
And now for the LEAST thankful day of the year…
 

Twas the day after Thanksgiving when all through the land

Not a creature was resting, child woman or man

With tummies still bloated from yesterday’s feast

They rose before dawn to tackle the beast

 

Some camped out on sidewalks instead of their beds

While “get-one-free” iPads danced in their heads

Moms in their spandex and dads in their sweats

Would fight to the death for the best bargains yet!

 

When finally the doors were flung open wide

To let the great horde of shoppers inside

They dashed and they darted, zigged and they zagged

To trample the rest, their treasures to bag

 

Yet what to their wondering eyes should appear

But “SORRY WE’RE SOLD OUT” signs far and near

They reeled back in horror to hear the clerk say,

“Our Black Friday sale started…yesterday!”

 

November 28, 2014 at 12:11 PM Leave a comment

DAY 26: THANKSGIVING PREP DAY!

CAMEOS of thanksgiving foods

Today’s the big day…before the BIG DAY…

Tomorrow in kitchens all over the nation, seasoned (and not-so-seasoned) cooks are braving the oven, stove, roaster, and the deep fryer to prepare the feast of all feasts for Thanksgiving day — and of course the microwave! (to keep everything piping hot til the very last item is ready)

But in truth, TODAY is the day that actually makes or breaks Thanksgiving dinner…

For today is the day of cakes, pies, jello molds, and a thousand other desserts and side dishes — the gooey heart and soul of Thanksgiving that fills in the gaps between the time-honored staples of turkey and dressing.

In fact, one of the easiest ways to tell a veteran from a rookie Thanksgiving cook is that veterans get started today, while the rookies (God rest their souls…) try to squeeze it all in tomorrow!

So as I toddle off to make mom’s famous jello salad and pumpkin pie, I wish my fellow cooks a wonderful day of food prep, flour-covered foreheads, and sampling. (oh yes…the sampling..mmmm!)

To the veterans I say… GO GET ‘EM!

And to the rookies I say… GET STARTED!

PUMPKIN PIE

November 26, 2014 at 12:06 PM 1 comment

DAY 21: LEAVING THE HOUSE

hands holding house

Here’s another bit of rhyme from the poetry archives…slightly revised. Thankfully this isn’t my experience EVERY day, yet we can all relate to good intentions gone astray.

I’m not agoraphobic
Of that you can be certain
My domicile and I for miles
Have parted without hurtin’

Yet some might still mistake me
For such a timid mouse
Because it seems that lately…
I cannot leave the house!

Every morning I awake
With plans to go outside and play
Yet some evenings I regret
I haven’t left the house quite yet

I start out for a walk to find
I’ve left my keys or hat behind
Or haven’t had my breakfast yet
Or made my bed, or fed the pet

Or checked my email or my texts
Or read the news to see what’s next
Or cleaned or dusted in a week
By then it’s noon, and time to eat

After lunch I need a rest
They say a brief nap is the best
I reach to flip on the TV
They say it helps you get to sleep

At three I wake up with a start
A sinking feeling in my heart
I haven’t made it out the door
And pretty soon it’s pushing four

With panicked step I grab my gear
I really must get out of here
I find my hat, my keys, my glasses
But my feet move like molasses

My hand is on the doorknob when
I pause to stop and think again…

You know the heat this time of day
Can cause a stroke I’ve heard them say
Perhaps an after-dinner stroll
Would not take quite as big a toll?

There’s plenty I could do til then
Like post a tweet or call a friend
Or write a blog post for an hour
Or do my nails or take a shower

Or cook a meal or order dinner
I hear that new restaurant’s a winner
A Netflix movie, maybe two
I liked the last one best…and you?

And pretty soon it’s time for bed
My hubby nods his sleepy head
And asks me as he toddles off
“Hey did you ever take that walk?”

Which stops me in my tracks
As I realize once again
I’ve failed all day to make it out
And instead spent the day “all in”

No, I’m not agoraphobic
Of that I’ll never grouse
Cuz what I’m most afraid of

…is NOT leaving my house!

November 21, 2014 at 4:32 PM Leave a comment

DAY 18: GOOD GRIEF TUESDAY


FRUSTRATED BLONDE GIRL cartoon (cropped)

Here’s a little ditty from a few years back. That’s not to say that under “the perfect storm” of wrong circumstances I’m not fully capable of accomplishing this same feat today. But at the moment…so far, so good! 

 

I’m feeling a bit like Charlie Brown today.

A little chubby. Somewhat listless.

And convinced I couldn’t have messed things up worse if I tried.

After all, who misses four appointments in one day?

Who does that?

  • Who, out of four potential meetings with other human beings at a prescribed place and time, cannot, at a minimum, manage to make at least ONE of them?
  • Who, in a day overflowing with possibility, manages to actually accomplish LESS than if there had been no appointments made in the first place?
  • Who, by sheer ineptitude, manages to stumble downhill in such a way as to miss or be missed by four separate, unique individuals, all having virtually nothing in common except their membership in the human race, the fact that they draw breath, and their individual ill-fated attempts to connect with this particular person on a specific date in history?

And to think, it’s only Tuesday.

Good grief…

 

November 18, 2014 at 7:30 AM 2 comments

DAY 10: DOING IS BELIEVING

maximum BELIEF stopwatch

Here’s another find from the poetry archives…
 

I dedicate it to my dad, who once remarked: “You seem to think faith means praying and praying until you know exactly what to do. For me, taking that first step forward IS faith.”

How many times have I nodded,
“Oh yes, I believe that too”
Yet after the fact, when push came to shove
It’s nothing I’d actually DO?

How many times have I listened
Furiously writing out notes
That sat on my desk til I cleaned out the mess
From the stories I never wrote?

How many times have I wondered
“Why isn’t God coming thru?”
When had I been listening His voice would ring clear:
“My friend, I’ve been waiting on YOU!”

November 10, 2014 at 4:06 PM 2 comments

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KIM ALDRICH

Writer... speaker..."growing edge" seeker

ABOUT ME

Each new day offers a fresh opportunity to learn or languish, stagnate or grow. Like all sincere Christians, I face the ongoing challenge of finding THE GROWING EDGE.

FOLLOW KIM ON TWITTER!

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WORDS TO GROW BY

TEN WAYS TO LOVE

1. LISTEN without interrupting
(Proverbs 1:8)

2. SPEAK without accusing
(James 1:19)

3. GIVE without sparing
(Proverbs 21:26)

4. PRAY without ceasing
(Colossians 1:9)

5. ANSWER without arguing
(Proverbs 17:1)

6. SHARE without pretending
(Ephesians 4:15)

7. ENJOY without complaint
(Philippians 2:14)

8. TRUST without wavering
(I Corinthians 13:7)

9. FORGIVE without punishing
(Colossians 3:13)

10. PROMISE without forgetting
(Proverbs 13:12)

2014 NaBloPoMo!

NaBloPoMo November 2014